Random

Lots happening around here of late. Just some very random thoughts:

Is there something going on in 2009 that is making life more difficult? Seems that things are really being tested in so many areas and with so many people I know.

Here's a cute photo of my nephew and his date for prom:

Shelly will graduate from preschool in one month! Wow, time is really flying. Can't believe that she will no longer be at that sweet school. We will really miss her wonderful teachers.

Lily is going to miss the May Day performance at school and I know she is bummed about it. I am happy for our friends' daughter who will be the May Queen this year.

John came home today riding this vehicle. No, he didn't buy it (phew!)...just borrowed it for the afternoon from a friend.

I stayed up way too late last night and need to hit the hay at a normal time tonight. This crazy show is what kept me up until almost 2 a.m.

Saw a friend today and sure miss chatting with her.

Getting ready to listen to Taylor Hicks on AI. Not as into this show as I have been in the past.

Ok, enough rambling...hoping to return with something insightful to say.

Delightful

On my birthday the girls and John decorated the house, showered me with gifts (a new fire pit, soaps, candles, earrings, necklace, gift card...), and treated me to a yummy dinner here. Once home, we finished the evening off with a terrific Carvel ice cream cake and a nice little fire in the new pit by the pool. Delightful.

We have spent the weekend enjoying the sun, the pool, tasty food, and friends. Good time.

Birthday Love

I've mentioned the details of my wonderful birthday celebrations before. So, I won't bore you with all of the details again today. Suffice it to say that my mom could throw a party or even just make you feel extra special on your "one and only" day. So, as I celebrate life and being another year older, I miss that loving touch my mom would add to my day. I'm just so happy she emphasized the importance of making birthdays special. I love sharing this with my girls on their day. I even think John thought it was all a bit much when I began the birthday extravaganzas with our daughters. But, over time he has become familiar with my love of a good, well organized birthday party. Thanks mom for being my mom and making my birthdays so fun and memorable. And dad, thanks for being such a fabulous father. I am so lucky to have you in my life and I love you so much for helping to bring me into this world and adding me to a family who is so focused on love. We are a lucky family.

Here's to birthdays, celebrations, love, family, and friends. And here's a little digiscrap of me at 43:

Perfect Handwriting & Perfect Notes

As a young girl, my mother won an award for her handwriting. I am not sure how old she was, but I do know that she received a matching pen and pencil set as her prize. Her handwriting technique was one of the many beautiful talents she possessed. I can remember waiting in line with her to check out at a store while she would fill out her check. It seemed as if she spent hours signing her name with all of its beautiful flourish. I must admit at the time I wished she could write a little faster and we could just leave the store. But one thing I always remember were the compliments the store clerks would give my mom on her beautiful signature.

Her handwriting is one of the things I love looking at right now. It is so her. I love to see the elaborate design of the letters on the paper. It feels safe and comforting to see her words on paper. She was a great letter writer and she always came through with the perfect thank you note. It was a skill she impressed upon me and I have tried to do the same with my girls. I am thankful that so much of my mom will live on in my girls. This is just one of the ways I know it will. Thank you notes were one of the ways my mother shared her graciousness and thoughtfulness. Here are just a few of the notes I have from her. So glad I do.

The note she wrote me on the morning of my first day of teaching school

A note she wrote thanking us for the Christmas gifts

Part of a thank you note for my parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary celebration

Sunny Day

Yesterday it was a balmy 75 degrees and the sun was shining so brightly. John opened the pool on Thursday afternoon and by Saturday it was crystal clear and azure blue. The weather was perfect for taking a dip. So the girls put on some new bathing suits and took the plunge. The pool water was 64 degrees...a bit chilly for me, but they were loving it. It was a nice day...good to see the sun shine and feel its warmth.

Missing

I knew there would be many days like this. Days when I would think of something funny, or small and insignificant, or touching, or sad and I would want to call my mother. Before March 5th, I would just pick up the phone and there she was on the other end to listen. She was a great listener and she was always there to hear about some little unimportant detail in my life. I can't accurately describe how lost I feel when I have these moments in my days. There aren't just a few days here and there when I feel like this. There are several moments over and over again in my day when I want to hear my mother's voice. I want to hear her say, "Hi honey." I want to gain insight from what she has to tell me. I want to laugh with her about something the girls said. I want to chit chat about The Bachelor and Grey's Anatomy. I want to talk to my mom.



Many have said, "go ahead and talk she's listening," and although I agree, it just isn't the same. I want to talk with her. I want to hear her voice. Each and every day that I am taking this journey without her it is so incredibly difficult. Today, there were several moments when I needed to talk with her...when the girls got in the pool for the first time this season, when I thought about my nephew Eric preparing for his prom tonight, and when I looked through some pictures from last summer when we visited my parents. I just wanted to talk about it all.



I know she's listening...I just wish I could hear her.

One of the photos I ran across today

My mom and dad in August of 2008

Two of my favorite people

Books

Books and words have always helped to make me feel better at various times in my life. You can usually find me writing or reading during stressful times and right now is no exception. I have done lots of writing whether it's here on the blog or in my journal. I like documenting my journey and then going back to remember my thoughts later. It's comforting and reassuring to relive some of the saddest, as well as, some of the happiest times in my life.

Another escape for me is in reading books. I have been directed toward several interesting titles of late and wanted to share them here with others. The first book, Embraced by the Light, is one that a neighbor gave me. She has recently lost her father and she found the book to be a good representation of heaven. It took me awhile to get through the book, but by the end of the story it was well worth the time I put into it.

The next book, The Middle Place, I came across while viewing the video that was added in the previous post. I was so impressed with the words that Kelly Corrigan shared and I wanted to read more. I just started the book last night and I am enjoying her storytelling.

A book that was given to my father by a friend of my sister's is titled, The Lord is My Shepherd. The author, a rabbi, looks at the 23rd Psalm and how it's message can alter a person's life and offer hope. My sister sent me a copy of this book for my birthday and it is next on my list to read after The Middle Place.

My sister also sent me a copy of this book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People. I've heard so much about this book and am eager to read it and hopefully learn from it.

The last two books, I Miss You and What's Heaven?, were given to the girls by a friend. They are both excellent books that help children deal with the loss of a loved one. The books discuss some great topics within their text and offer valuable answers for young children's many questions about death.

As I read and absorb information, I find comfort from the words that others write to offer help and encouragement. Losing my mother is a journey I wasn't prepared to take so soon, but feeling comforted by words is easing some of the intense pain.

Wow

Many of you may have already seen this video, but it is so inspiring I wanted to be sure that I posted it. I love my sisters, my mother, my aunts, my cousins, my mother-in-law, my sisters-in-law, my nieces, my daughters, my many girlfriends and I am posting this for all of them:

Easter

We spent a nice and calm several days in Virginia Beach. It was good for me to be near my father and sister and her family. My sister fed us tons of food, prepared an Easter egg hunt for the girls, took Lily on a shopping spree, and made us a fabulous Easter brunch yesterday. It was a good time.

Easter Egg Hunt at Aunt Linny's

All of the Easter Egg Loot...Special Golden Egg Prizes (Life and Puzzles)Easter Morning with baskets at Granddaddy's

Easter Brunch at Aunt Linny's and Uncle Ron's House

Falling Asleep on the Ride Home

Something Cute

Just thought I'd add a little cuteness to the post today. Here is Shelly with her iPod. She cracks me up when she walks around the house singing along to her tunes. Funny girl.

The Firsts

There are several "firsts" looming in our near future. The first holiday (Easter) without my mom, the first birthday (mine) without my mom, the first grandchild's birthday (Lily's) without my mom, the first Mother's Day without her...

I suppose this will be a year of "firsts" and we will all learn to adapt to the new feelings of life without mom. I guess some of the upcoming "firsts" are made more difficult because mom always made you feel special on your birthday. I have mentioned her fabulous parties before...The Price is Right theme, the Bicentennial birthday in 1976, the combo party at 5 with a Raggedy Ann and Andy theme and the list goes on and on. She knew how to do it right. Even as an adult she continued to hide an Easter basket for me and prepare my favorite Angel food cake with glaze for my birthdays. I mentioned in my eulogy about her the following:

"She taught us to always do things with love and special attention. She didn't just give you a birthday gift...she wrapped it beautifully, put lovely embellishments on it, and tied it with a perfect bow. And that's how she lived her life. She added those extra special touches in her role as a friend, a sister, a mother-in-law, a grandmommy, a mom, and a wife."

As we approach these "firsts" I look forward to remembering how my mother lived her life. She lived it beautifully and she would want nothing less for the rest of us.

Here she is living life with my sisters and good friend, Bonnie(at my wedding 1998)

One Month

I am not marking today as the one month anniversary of my mother's death. I am just amazed at what has happened in that amount of time. There are moments when it seems as if it was just yesterday that I was talking on the phone to my mother and then there are moments that seem like years since the day we spoke of her at her memorial service.

Through all of the despair and sorrow you search for some normalcy. I found this among these three people. They are the ones who keep me sane, let me cry, talk to me, and give me love. I am looking for my new normal and I know that the love I share with all of them will be what eventually helps me find that new normal. My girls adored my mother and we frequently talk about her and her sage advice. It helps me and I think it's helping them. Again, I am so grateful for the love of family. I have learned how truly powerful love is. It will help you through all of the sadness, the dark days, and the loss.

Just learned how to make larger images on Blogger. This post is just a test of that skill. Back to regular blogging, soon. Happy Weekend to all.