Grief and Living

Nothing can truly prepare you for the loss of a loved one. You can live your whole life knowing that one day your parents will die, but you will never be ready for that to happen.

Mom and dad in 2008

On March 5, 2009, my mother died of a sudden illness. My sister and niece were in North Carolina visiting us and my mother was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday night and passed away on Thursday morning. She went into surgery for what they thought would be a gall bladder issue, but never recovered.

Mom and Shelly 2004 

If you have a strong bond with someone and then they die your heart is somehow damaged in that loss. And, I'm not sure how long the grief will last, but for some it may be a lifetime. Life will go on and things will settle into a new normal. The grief will ebb and flow and you'll have good days and terrible days.

Mom at the 50th wedding anniversary celebration in 2006

I was struck by the recent interview that Liam Neeson did with Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes. His words were so poignant and real. I was very touched by how he expressed his grief for his wife (Natasha Richardson who died from a head injury while skiing). Here's a part of that interview (click on the link).

Kathy, Mom, Me, and Lin

And, today, I will try to put the grief aside and concentrate on the love I have for a woman who was beyond compare.

"Many women act competently, but you 

surpass them all!"  Proverbs 31:29

Mom and dad at my wedding

Helen Louise Ande Ruesch

Grieving and Therapy

I recently read an interesting post on this blog and was inspired to think about what has been important to me since the loss of my wonderful mother. I have spent the last year grieving her loss and it has been a therapeutic process, albeit lonely. I am just coming out of a year-long fog. Some of the things that have provided me with the most comfort have been:



1. Acknowledgement from others that I have lost my best friend and I am grieving. I have found this is difficult for some people, but for those who do it...it has been a blessing in my life.


2. Yancey's White Cheddar Cheese with Horseradish from Costco.


3. My daughters' love and presence in my life that will continue my mother's legacy.


4. Chocolate Covered Raisins


5. Panera's Greek Salad


6. My podcasts of the Bob & Sheri show (love their humor).


7. Being with my family in Virginia Beach and just being in VB!


8. My father's strength and wonderful example of how to live life.


9. Putting on some of my mother's jewelry and thinking of her.

10. Reading books---Comfort, The Glass Castle, The Lovely Bones, etc.---I love a good story.

11. Special K with red berries cereal

12. Talking to my sister and sharing our feelings and memories...huge in my life to have someone who can relate.

13. Laughing at The Office. In the summer I became obsessed with the past episodes of The Office and have watched it constantly. It ALWAYS makes me laugh.

14. Photography...taking pictures, digital scrapbooking, looking at old pictures.

15. My husband's love and support and that he listens to me.

16. The many dreams I have of my mother. She comes to me in all forms in these dreams and I love to see her and hear her talk and laugh.

I'm thankful for my mother's love, I'm thankful for the process of grieving, and I am thankful for the diversions that help get me through the days.