Kindergarten to 12th grade

As we get ready for a new school year, I am reminded of a post I wrote as Lily was getting ready to enter Kindergarten. Here are a few excerpts from that blog entry:

"Kindergarten is looming in my future.  Oh, I mean in Lily’s future, of course.  I am feeling melancholy about what comes next for my little five year-old.  Will she be the best and the brightest?  Will she be outgoing and social?  Will she be creative and interesting?  Or will she become the class clown and make them all laugh?  

We are embarking on quite a journey.  A journey that at one time seemed so far off in the distance that I surely would need a clever pair of binoculars to see what lies ahead.  But, here we are on this course that will determine and mold so many aspects of my little girl’s future. 

I can’t believe that it was only five years ago that this bundle of love was perched atop of me in the hospital room.  I vividly remember the bubbles she blew while I touched her soft cheek.  My only thoughts then were of what I would do with her in the next five minutes and not the next five years.  Lily was the kind of baby parents would wish for.  She slept well, ate well, and discharged waste well.  Her path as a baby was sprinkled with sunshine and littered with happiness.  She was a delight.

When Lily turned two, her personality emerged with beautiful smiles, friendly giggles, and serious thoughts.  She was happy and strong-willed.  I like that combination in a person.  

We aren’t done learning from one another and the time and energy I have put into creating this little five year-old is not over.  We are ready for the journey that will take us down the halls of an old school building filled with love and character.  I will release this little gem on Thursday into a world of unknowns for both of us.  I am sure I will shed tears as she gathers up her backpack and lunch box and leaves me behind.  But, I will do so knowing that this journey has started with the best map of life I could give her.  And, I hope she will use that map to always find her way back to her mommy’s heart."

Lily---August 2005
First Day of Kindergarten

So, here we are, twelve years later. I can now see the future that I once wrote about and Lily has truly surpassed all of my expectations. She is all of the above: bright, outgoing, social, creative, interesting, and funny. When things got tough throughout the years, Lily got tougher. She faced challenges head on and grew from those experiences. 

She'll walk out the door tomorrow to head to her last year as a high school student and I feel confident she will do it in the same way she did on that first day of Kindergarten. With her head held high, her back pack on straight, and she'll toss me a wave as she confidently drives off to school. 

And, I'll wave back knowing now that she always finds her way back to my heart. Always. 

Journey

As excited as I am about Shelly moving on to Kindergarten this year, I am also filled with many mixed emotions. I recall her struggles with walking in the toddler class where Ms. Eileen faithfully took care of my little girl. She carried her many places and let her sit in her lap when Shelly was unsure of new territory. My comfort level with her at the little playschool was 100% and I never worried when I would leave her in their capable hands two days a week. Shelly moved on to the 2 year old and 3 year old classes and she continued to blossom into a sweet little girl. And then she entered the 4 year old class where we once again approached an obstacle (potty training) and once again had Ms. Eileen to help navigate the waters. Her endless concern and care were tantamount in Shelly's success and for that I am forever grateful.

I feel confident that as Kindergarten days get closer, Shelly will be an enthusiastic student who will jump onto the school bus with her sister and walk into her classroom ready to learn. And I fear that once again it will be her mother who worries about the new ups and downs in her life and how Shelly will overcome the less than perfect days. But, as I prepare for this change over the next 2 1/2 months, I will look back on my own childhood and remember how artfully my parents prepared me for the big world out there. I think with those great memories behind me I will be able to tackle this next step in Shelly's life beyond her momma.

Art Therapy

Yesterday I thought the girls and I needed a little art time together. I picked up some art canvases at Big Lots (super cheap there) and we began to create. I told them to paint a background and then they could add words, images, or whatever to their canvas. It was interesting to see what they came up with in that time. I found it very therapeutic to have my hands busy creating something. The text on my canvas contains some of the words I spoke at my mother's funeral service in the eulogy I wrote. I like being able to see the words and read them over and over again.The girls both enjoyed the process and I think we will use some inspiration items when we do this again.

And...today I registered Shelly for Kindergarten. I can't believe that she is ready for school already. It was a nice morning and Shelly warmed up to the teachers after a little time in the room. When we got into the car to head home, the tears started. I just wished that I could pick up the phone and let my mom know all about our morning. But, I look forward to talking to my sisters and my dad all about it.

Approaching 5 and Kindy Woes

So, I have been thinking about Shelly so much lately. She will turn five on Friday and that means that she will be heading to Kindergarten in the fall. It is all almost too much for me to handle. She seems like this little tiny girl who still needs my help. But, the reality is that she isn't such a little girl and she is very independent. She will be completely ready for Kindergarten in the fall (really the late summer), but I am not so sure her mother will be.You may recall my many ramblings about Lily heading off to Kindergarten. Never had I been filled with so much emotion. And, I fear I am getting ready to engage in those same feelings all over again. I know that she will take her sister's hand and they will both head off on this new adventure together. I feel much comfort knowing they will be together and there for each other. But, I am already struggling with the thought of redefining myself in late August. After nine years of doing this gig, I am not so sure where my new responsibilities as a mom will take me. I'm excited, I'm eager, I'm nervous, and I am totally unprepared. Good thing I have time to figure this all out...seven months to get my act together.

In the meantime, I am savoring this little ritual with Shelly (eating her raisins and listening to the "iPod")and enjoying this silly little look she frequently gives me. Time will fly and I want to be ready to catch as much of it as I can before it's out of my grasp!