Thursday, March 04, 2010

The Days Before

If or when your life has taken a significant change, do you remember the moments before that change? Do you know what you were doing or where you were before your life turned upside down?

I do. I can think back and remember the snow that had fallen at the beginning of that week and the girls were out of school for two days. We took them out in the snow and let them ride on the sled as we pulled them on the golf cart. We all laughed and enjoyed our time together as a little family of four.

I was anticipating the arrival of my sister and my niece to our house later in the week. They were coming for a visit after a trip to some North Carolina colleges. My sister and I talked often evaluating the snow situation and their travels.

On Tuesday of that week, the girls, John, and I went to lunch at a local pizza place. I remember talking to John about a friend of ours who had recently lost his father. I was asking him how his friend was doing and said that I just couldn't imagine how difficult it must be for him. And, then I reiterated that I just couldn't imagine what I would do if anything happened to either of my parents. I would soon learn what to do.

On that day, on our way home from lunch and grocery shopping, I called my mom. We had a very normal conversation. It was filled with the typical information we would share with one another on an almost daily basis. We talked about the girls, the weather, our friend and the loss of his father, shopping, and my sister's trip to our house. She assured me that Linda and Krissy would be leaving in the morning to come see us. I was thrilled. As I drove in our driveway, I told my mom I better go...I needed to get the groceries out of the car. We ended our thirty minute chat as we always did...we said goodbye and we both said I love you.

The next morning (Wednesday) my sister called to let me know my mother had entered the hospital and was suffering with some extreme stomach pains. At that point, they felt it was her gall bladder and planned to take her in for surgery in the afternoon. Linda had been to the hospital and talked with my mom and had been given the okay from our mother to continue with her plans to travel to our house. Later this decision would become quite mother sending my sister to be with me for our journey back home together. My sister and niece arrived in the late afternoon.

Many difficult events would occur in the next 17 hours before my mother's death. But, I do remember the every day, ordinary feelings and activities that preceeded her death.

My life is different now. I attempt to be more aware of how short life is, but many times I also attempt to just try and live my life. I think the journey that has taken me from March 5, 2009 to today is one of constantly relearning how to live life. How to live those ordinary, every day moments in life. Many may not understand how difficult the loss of my mother has been for me, as well as, the grieving process that has followed. And, I am okay with that. Because everyone's journey after a loss is different. I'm glad that I had 42 years filled with love  and wonderful every day moments with my mother before we said goodbye on the telephone that day.


  1. Oh Karol, all of this is so beautiful. Each post brings tears to my eyes. I vividly remember the call I got about my grandfathers death. My response was so stupid. It was "Your joking?". It was the oddest response. While I haven't lost a parent who was close, my grandfather was like a parent. I went through similar things that you going through with the anniversaries of his death. His birthday would have been March 31 and I can't believe it's been nearly 20 years.

  2. Sending you lots of love and (((Hugs))).